Work-life balance - band 7
While many people think that working for longer hours, which results in having no work-life balance, is required in order to be able to pay for necessities of a modern lifestyle, others believe that managing our free time effectively allows us having more time to spend with our families and for leisure activities. In my opinion, we should find alternative ways to improve quality of time that is spent for our personal life which includes getting socialized with others and dealing with hobbies.
People living in urban areas usually start working early in the morning and cannot return home until late evening. Major reasons of staying for long hours at work are the fear of losing a job and being paid for overtime. In addition to fixed monthly costs, such as rental payments, utilities and grocery shopping, people who have children need to pay for daycare centers, after school programs, school activities and other unpredictable items related to children care. Depending on modern lifestyle expectations, going to a fancy hotel for vacation or buying a cozy car make it compulsory to earn more money.
On the other hand, there is a view that effective management of free time makes it possible to create time for social and leisure activities. Flexibility at work has been significantly increased since the last few years and it has been very common to be able to work from home. Decrease in time that is spent for commuting helps people engage with new social activities and deal with new hobbies. For instance, I have a few colleagues who are working from home have the chance of going to gym centers and do exercise in the mornings before they start attending to teleconference meetings in their home offices. Additionally, it is so important for mother workers to come home as early as possible in order to spend more time with their children.
To sum up, I am in the opinion that people will need to find alternative ways to improve quality of life including both leisure time and working time. According to recent surveys that are conducted with working people, making more money is no longer sufficient for being happy. It is a fact that people will continue looking for spending more time with their families and investing on themselves. For instance, I realized that I am more productive and creative at work, if I am satisfied with my personal life which includes my family, friends and hobbies.
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Task Achievement
This is a good essay which addresses both sides of the argument, although it is quite long and due to time constraints in the real exam the candidate may need to be more concise. (7)
Coherence & Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and well-organised, and linking devices are used well. (7.5)
Lexical Resource
The candidate demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and attempts to use some complex language with some success but there are a few errors with word choice / order. (7)
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Grammar is mostly accurate and appropriate, although there are errors with articles. (7)
Overall Comment - how to improve
This is a good essay, with a variety of vocabulary and linking expressions. However, more time for checking small errors at the end would help to improve the overall band score.
